Echoes in the Elevator: My Boy’s Silent Plea for Love, with Hollow Hearts!

This is the introduction to my next book, a work in progress.

My Name is Hmza M, a Medical Doctor, also works as a software engineer, currently living in Turkey.

Why this book?

A few weeks ago, one of my students from horseback riding lessons brought his sons to the farm. This was before our relationship deepened into a fast, intimate friendship, not only because we shared an old mutual friend, but because we noticed many similarities between us. I'm not talking about personality traits, but rather how we deal with crises.

My friend also has a sharp sense of humor, he's skilled in sarcasm, enjoys telling jokes, and sometimes engages in teasing or even mocking banter.

It didn’t take long for me to start connecting the dots and weaving together the root of the problem. Yes, this was exactly me, years before my divorce, and one of the psychological defenses I used to mask pain.

I didn’t need to observe much before he himself initiated the conversation and started complaining during a lunch he had invited us to, along with his close friend.

I was surprised by how easily his friend followed along with the masculine games of teasing, tension, and verbal jabs, closer to bullying than humorous banter.

When my friend began recounting his tragedy, I interrupted him and said, “There’s no need to complain, brother, I’ve lived the same life for years.” His eyebrows shot up, as did those of our other friend who exclaimed, “He hasn’t even told you anything yet!” I replied, “What I’m about to say is what your wife does,” and then I listed five traits and seven behaviors. They were stunned into silence for more than a minute.

They asked in disbelief, “How did you know? You haven’t met her or spoken to her, you’ve only seen the kids once!”

I replied: “Your children, their behavior says everything. I haven’t met your wife, but I have seen your children. And when it comes to emotion, a child never lies.”

Out of respect for their feelings and consideration for our mutual friend, who was silently suffering over his best friend’s situation for years without being able to help, I didn’t reveal the main common trait I observed in these children. I explained: “Fear,” “rigidity,” “fear of happiness,” and “anxiety”, this is what I noticed as a doctor.

But I didn’t tell them that the main, foundational trait these children suffer from, perhaps for the rest of their lives, is that they are children who have never known love, and the reason?

Selfishness, a wife’s selfishness in marriage.

I’ve witnessed many female temperaments and behaviors of modern women, but the most dangerous of all is the selfish woman, who treats her husband like a genie in Aladdin’s lamp, responsible for her comfort and everything her father failed to provide.

Eventually, the man becomes responsible for everything, even her mistakes, slips of the tongue, blunders, and even crimes. The selfish nature never accepts responsibility, it always plays the victim.

When I decided on divorce, it was because of my young son. The problems created by his mother became unbearable. My son would run to his room staying alone, in salience, trying to ignore us, whenever she raised her voice at him or me, starting a fight for any silly reason. Then came a moment that shook me to my core, a moment in the elevator when we were together, and he wrapped his arms around both of us in silence, hugging us tightly as if saying, “Please, show me some love.”, He was only 5!

That was the end.

At that time, I remembered two dear friends, both successful businessmen, who hadn’t spoken to each other in years. Despite still working together on big projects and remaining connected through family ties, their relationship had turned cold. I, as a mutual friend, was forced to become the middleman, the link of communication, not reconciliation. One sat at one end of the café with his back turned; the other at the far end. I sat and go forward and back between them translating the conversation word-for-word, without insults or curses, out of respect and admiration.

After half an hour of this absurdity, frustration built inside me until I stood up in the middle of the place, looking at them with a mix of anger, sorrow, and sadness. I recalled my earliest days in this country, how they welcomed me as a guest, then as a dear friend and a little brother. Suddenly, my nose began bleeding violently, creating chaos and tension in the whole place.

This happened just weeks before my son tried to find love in that elevator hug.

If I, someone not related by blood, felt such grief witnessing a friendship-turned-enmity devoid of love, how must my son feel seeing the two people he loves most (His father and Mother) in the world unable to show love for each other?

When a woman sees only herself, she won’t see her children either. She only sees what she wants, and greed has no end. Her vessel is cracked, and she interprets kindness as rudeness unless it serves her interests. So, while she thinks she’s hurting her husband with stubbornness, pride, and control, she doesn’t realize she’s hurting her children, and eventually, herself.

The selfish person is inherently malicious, blind to anything beyond their own desires.

The slow erosion of love, ending in deadly silence, is the most dangerous stage of marriage, especially with a domineering, aggressive wife. Men don’t surrender because they’re bad at war, they kill their hearts. Because if they give in to the emotional warfare she wages, they risk harming their children and themselves. But the selfish wife doesn’t see this. To her, marriage is a battlefield of dominance and control.

My friend, the horseman, isn’t the only one. I’ve seen similar emotional detachment in other friends and their children, It is easy to see that they are living in emotional distress. One works as a policeman and walks for over two hours after work just to avoid confrontation with his wife around of his kids, so he can return home calm, for the sake of his children. He goes to sleep trapped in this emotional prison.

It was a pattern, a pattern of control, high maintenance, selfishness, and anger. These women would feel sad or upset when the man, the husband and father, was relaxed or pursuing something he loved.

I’ve seen this pattern repeat itself, especially among women who are deeply influenced by certain social circles. They care more about what their female friends or family groups think than about the consequences or true intentions behind each word they hear from these groups.

Some say this only happens to weak women with weak characters, but the truth is, even strong women can be deeply influenced by their social circle. They often care more about what their female friends think and say than about their own families.

I’ve seen many men trapped in marriages with women who only care about their social image, being married in name only. It reminds me of that video where a presenter asked a woman if she was married and happy. She confidently said yes. Then he asked, “What about your husband? Is he happy?” Her face immediately changed, uncomfortable, darkened, caught off guard. Unable to answer, she snapped, “F*** you, leave!” At least she figured out the truth, even if she never once considered her spouse’s happiness, because to her, it was irrelevant. After all, he’s a man, he’s supposed to endure.

Let me paint a picture of what happened when my son was just four years old. We had been driving for nearly eight hours from another city, completely exhausted when we arrived at my ex-father-in-law’s house. We got to our room, and I was already mentally preparing my escape, I couldn’t stand to be around her for long, because she couldn’t control her words or her behavior.

Then, I heard my little boy crying at the door. He was screaming his cousins’ names, begging to play with them. I went inside to see what was going on, and found him locked in the big guest room. His mother had shut him in because he had a cough, and she claimed he might “infect” her sister’s children, as her sister said!

I stood there in shock, Wait… what?!

I told my ex-wife firmly: “I’m staying with my son. I’ll keep opening the door. If your sister complains about my son again, she can leave and go to her house nearby.”

She cared more about her sister’s complaints than the emotional well-being of her own child. This was the same woman who had rushed her kids to the hospital multiple times because they drank soap that was, a result of her own negligence, yet she couldn’t see the pain she was causing her own son. What a mother.

For me, I don’t even see such women as truly beautiful, or as women in the full sense, because a real woman understands femininity, and this type completely lacks it. They are more like men disguised as women: full of trust issues, insecurity, and a lack of self-confidence that manifests in such destructive behavior.

How did this happen? When did it start? And why?

That’s for the next chapter.
(To be continued in the book… coming soon!)

Wait for the book!